Awake to the Least of These

It’s interesting how the last two Gospel readings seem to book-end what’s been happening in my life this past year and more. We read how Jesus recognizes that when we serve others, we are serving Him. And that we must be awake to His presence. I say presence instead of coming this first day of Advent because I’m learning in an intimate and profound way that in this season of expectation I am expected to live in the kingdom of God now, today and everyday.

God is present in His creation at every moment and every place, but sometimes to see and experience it fully, we are called out of our everyday world to experience Him in another context. Tom calls it being out of our comfort zone. For me, it’s an actual call to be elsewhere to see how God is everywhere and to experience how Jesus really does show us the way to live in that place as a way of showing me how to live in my everyday place.

When Tom and I first began to share the sense of call we were both receiving, we looked outside North America to serve in mission. Then we understood that we weren’t called at that time to go any further than the next state. Yet in Oregon, with the Benedictine sisters, we experienced a deeper way of living the Gospel than we had known in California. That’s not to say that there aren’t multiple ways of serving the poor and praying in the community here in Santa Clara county, but we needed to be awakened to the possibility by living in community with women who had consecrated their entire lives to loving Jesus and following Him in all aspects of their life.

I feel a similar sense of call --- not to forsake my marriage and enter a convent --- but to follow Jesus by serving with Tom together in mission. As Tom explained, ELCA is looking for an eight-week placement for us in Latin America next summer. So I’ve been asking myself, “What will be different in serving abroad after having been at the monastery last summer and this coming Christmas? How will I be more ‘awake’ to God’s call?” The answer has come in a surprisingly simple understanding: to relax into the moment when it comes and let God speak through the people I will encounter.

This is what has happened in every other situation when I have responded to God’s call. When the sense of call is strong, I get totally involved in the moment’s activities and relationships. For me the deep understanding has usually come after the experience, while I ponder and relive it when I talk about it with others. Then I struggle to integrate the new self with my old life

An invaluable part of the integration has been the spiritual direction meetings Tom and I have been having with Marie. Here I can let down all the roles I carry in my daily life at home, work and church. My words struggle to describe what’s happening inside, yet Marie’s careful listening generates insight into the working of the Holy Spirit that is manifest in my thoughts and yearnings. As we talk, the Spirit’s purpose is clarified and I can take the next step in spiritual formation. Often Marie suggests a specific area of reflection, or she may recommend a book or tape to explore an area that resonates with what has been revealed.

The inchoate longing for something else, something beyond my present life, disturbs my sense of comfort and awakens me again to the call of the Holy Spirit to greater intimacy with God. This has been part of the process that has led me to consider extended mission service. I ask your continued prayers for discernment and support as the weeks pass.

Judith